How do we take the unwanted advice we get on raising our children? We had a baby, we are strong but when someone challenges the way we raise our children we get so defensive and occasionally angry. The journey through motherhood is tough. I say this with sincerity and not to have any sympathy but only to shine light on the challenges of motherhood. There are many obstacles to being a mother; figuring out how to keep our babies alive is basic, we also have to juggle a home and a family, a career, make choices on what they eat, where they go to school, the list goes on and on. Bottom line is we impact our childrens’ lives in so many ways just from the decisions we make every day.
As mothers we don’t always know what to do, but we learn, we listen and we discover for ourselves what works for our children. I believe that since we grew our children in our bodies, carried them for 9 whole months and brought them into this world, we must have some basic intuition specific to our childrens’ needs…something that makes us different from one mom to the next. It is challenging though to take in everyone’s ideas on what worked for them and their children. From the beginning we get advice from strangers, friends and family; whether we want it or not, the moment we announce we are expecting. I love learning and I embrace opinions and knowledge, but people are pushy about their opinions and almost rude at times. This is amplified when the topic of pregnancy and children is brought up! I have cried many tears from shear frustration regarding pushy, guilt-ridden, unwanted advice. It is tough enough making daily decisions for this tiny human you have created, but then to feel like you are making poor choices, it is crushing at times. I know advice is naturally needed but sometimes a woman just wants to vent and not have you judge her afterwards. When someone judges the way you are choosing to raise your child you are devastated. Sometimes people honestly don’t know that they are doing it. There are people in your life that want what is best for you and you children, but they can be very demeaning about the advice they give. They can really push you to do things they way they did them.
Ok, I am hippie-like in some of the ways I live but I would NEVER jeopardize my child’s well-being. Yes, I would rather try natural remedies before resorting to pharmaceutical drugs and synthetic by-products any day. Am I a bad parent? Am I making poor choices? I might be making some people think so. I do my research and I make educated decisions with my husband about what we want to do for our child. We may choose not to give formula and that is our prerogative. I am up more at night than I want to be right now, but this is how I am choosing to do things right now. My intuition counts for something as a mother.
I have a can of formula on my counter right now and sterilized bottles waiting and it doesn’t sit well with me. I know the pros and cons of formula. I don’t have any objections if other mothers want to use formula….it is your child and you do what works for you. But, I know our little girl is not lacking in nutrition and she eats solid food, so I know she is full. She just wants the boob. She loves the comfort. We tried a soother on and off in her early weeks….she never wanted it. As her mother, not the mother of your children, I believe she has her own likes and dislikes even if she can’t talk. I will not be able to give her everything she wants in life and I will say “no” to her more than she will like; so when I can give her small things, like the boob, I will. I know a soother is easier. A bottle is easier. I know I bitched about lack of sleep today as she is sick and in need of comfort more, but it is a small price to pay right now. I just bitched to let off some steam (as we all do about anything that gets to us). I don’t particularly need any advice because what I am doing feels right. But what I wish we would all do with unwanted advice is to listen and not be bothered by it…but that isn’t what usually happens. I myself get upset and I take it personally when someone tries to tell me what I should do. What I would like is to remind myself to appreciate that there are different parenting styles and we all have our own choices to make. I really do appreciate the different ways you choose to raise your child I just might not want to hear it.
How do we take the unwanted advice we get on raising our children? We allow mamas to do their own thing (as long as the child is healthy) because I believe it is a mother’s right to raise our children as we see fit. We still want to have suggestions but have RESPECT for each others unique way. Have a POSITIVE response and give room to say “no” if we want to. Your way is not better than mine and my way is not better than yours. I do not want this to be a negative post. I want this to be fuel for other mothers, young and old, to respect each other. To allow each of us to make our own journey through motherhood….beside each other and not stepping on each other to make our own path.
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